That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
