glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
