The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You have to summon your inner elephant
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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