I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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