Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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