He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
