I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i believe in u and ur pee
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
