It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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