We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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