i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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