is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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