I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
