i love accidental penises.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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