The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
