No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
