I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You are the jesus of drinking
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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