JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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