He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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