I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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