I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
