I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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