if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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