Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I would fuck him just for his dog
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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