Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Then you guys just all showered together...?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
