Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
