Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
