I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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