Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
