I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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