how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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