Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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