i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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