You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
