I heard we made out
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
