To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
