I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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