i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
