Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
