Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
