if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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