she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
