I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
