Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
