I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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