Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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