Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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