PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
