the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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