u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
This is the high leading the old right now
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
