if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
