like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
