What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
