My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I cannot find my penis.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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