Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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