the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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