3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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