So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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