turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
