i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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